The nature of sex?

Sex...
Quite frankly I'm sick of it. Advertising, music, television it's freaking everywhere.
I think what I've been most frusterated by is the rather ridiculous way that christians view sex.
Being raised in the church you're told in subtle ways that sex is dirty and you shouldn't have anything to do with it until your wedding day. So you go from no no no to yes yes yes in one night? Give me a break. How can that not screw with a persons psyché? I've had friends who recently got married talk about how they had to struggle with feelings of guilt for quite awhile. That's tough.
Then on the other hand I've gotten the mixed message of you're allowed to explore but you just can't have intercourse. What?! So masturbating each other, oral sex, and anal sex is okay? great. I'll get right on that.
So after I calmed myself down a bit I decided to take a more serious look at what is and isn't appropriate. Facing getting married I figured I'd get a better grasp on what the deal is. So yes, I went to the bible and talked to young and old alike to figure out a more healthy less extreme view on sex. ( and no I'm not blushing to much yet)

How far is to far? Maybe that's the wrong question. Perhaps the question should be; How loving is this? Am I just satisfying my own needs? Would I be ashamed to tell my friends/family about this? Will my partner resent me later in life for not being considerate of them? Will I resent my partner? Will the symbolism on my wedding day regarding virginity be a sham?

As a society our view of sex is a little weird. We're totally fine with discussing the details of the sex act but don't ask if the relationship (ie is this an adulterous affair, are you having premarital sex?) is healthy. When in fact we should be asking those questions.
The whole idea of living above reproach is seemingly archaic but it does serve to keep your heart from getting messed with.

Talking to older folks it was funny to hear how they wished that young people could know that sex isn't that big a deal. And that they hoped that we wouldn't buy into the lie that sex has to be exciting all the time. Sometimes sex is a comfort thing nothing grand or exciting. They also shared the wisdom of not awakening love before it's time. Or sexual desires, since it is so difficult to keep it under control. That the wedding night doesn't have to be spectacular. You've got your whole life to discover one another. One thing I did find interesting was finding ways to not put yourself into a position where it's easy to give into passion. Like not spending time together alone when you're tired or sad. That card games are great to distract yourselves.( I giggled about that one.)

When my friends have told me about losing their virginity and regreting it. Yet they sometimes take the route of it's to late to do anything about it so I'll keep on doing it. I dídn't understand that and was confused since I hadn't been down that road. I always thought why can't you just stop? In this I was naive.

Surprisingly I've had pastors tell me that premarital sex is going to be guilt ridden and awful. Please, for many it's a freeing expereince and wonderful. It can release alot of stress in the moment. ( It's not called sexual tension for nothing.) Sex is supposed to connect people and feel good I don't think God would've made it horrible especially if he did want us to procreate. Anyways I digress...I think what should be known is that there is grace and forgiveness but there needs to be true repentance. Repentance being a 180 degree turn from your current behaviour. It isn't easy but it is worth it to practice chastity. Chastity is an older term but I do love it's definition:
To deny oneself for the sake of another, so that in the future the act is done in its fullest, healthiest sense. To overcome an obstacle and stick to a promise is a wonderful feeling. Like completing a difficult rock climb or section of white water or loving someone when they're annoying.
Personally I think we've blown sexual sin out of proportion. For some reason its more horrifying then lets say, cheating someone out of money, lying, or greed? In the end it's how loving and how can we help each other in life is what counts. Life is to short to keep score against one another.

So how do you deal with the idea that sex is dirty? I'm still trying to figure that one out. I'm finding that talking about it with my parents (oddly enough) has helped. But I come from a different place then most people do when confronting this issue. (no, not the I'm terribly naive, virginal stereotype. Well, virginal yes, but not naive.) Being honest and asking questions from my married friends is helpful too. Unfortunately my introduction to human sexual nature was a horrible experience and I have to seperate the twisted human view and the healthy one.

But I'm still frusterated by the way sex is treated. I'm not as weirded out as I used to be but I've come across so many mixed messages and well, sometimes just plain hostility about the subject. I always figured that sex should be an experience between to people that can be as innocent and lovely as it was created to be. That I shouldn't feel shame about it. That for all of our talk about it we don't really talk at all about what matters.
I hope that this trend changes soon. I hope it opens up discussion and thoughts about this subject because I'm by no means well versed in this subject.