Fragility and the inertia of relationship

Ever notice how relationship with others is sometimes like living in your own little movie or tv show. Were the star is you and everyone else is just there to aid you along in your plot? Sad but true.
It is so easy to forget to show interest in those around us. Far more interesting to stare at our own little belly buttons. Then every once and awhile we look up and take stock of the world around us. Suddenly this loneliness or reality hits us and we duck for cover once again.
I love taking a look at other peoples lives. It fascinates me. Avidly watching their own little stories unfold and giving input when I can. My own multi network movie channel. But I remain somewhat aloof of the action around me. Letting me editorialize and trivialize what is occuring. I love to laugh and watching others lets me do that. But unfortunately it leaves me living a somewhat cloistered and stale existence not truly living life. I was challenged recently about this fact. Truth is I had to admit I live life as if it were a game. And the way to win is by being perfect and heavan forbid if you mess up. Reason being, you might dissapoint those around you.

I'm in the process of letting someone I love go. It's never easy. But it's important. To sacrifice your own comfort for another is a good excercise. Sacrifice (healthy sacrifice not self imposed martyerdom ) is a defining moment in some relationships. I keep looking at the classic stories and see the ones that stick most in our minds are the ones that required sacrifice. I hate to romanticize these choices but there is something about putting anothers needs ahead of yours that is the ulitmate in life. Never easy, always a choice but defintely worth it.
Blah, life is way to damn serious sometimes. Especially at midnight, little sleep, and an uncertain future looming ahead of you. Oh the woes of the twenty something. *sigh* I'm going to go sleep and get a reality check tomorrow. And defintely stop listening to Leonard Cohen until I'm back in Pollyanna mode again. Until then back to the belly button gazing. Maybe I'll be lucky and one of my reoccuring characters of my life will show up tonight to entertain me.